WEST OF CHEMIST
For days you have been lost in thick bushes where you could see barely a foot in front of you. You are not sure how you got here. The last thing you remember was that 7th beer you had at some slimy hole-in-the-wall run-down bar up a dark alley in Singapore. You vaguely remember the old, stooped white-haired one-eyed bartender handing you another one. The only thing you have is an old burlap bag slung over your shoulder and a cheap pair of sunglasses. You've got a hell of a hangover.
>INVENTORY
You have an old burlap bag. Inside is a drum machine, a couple of aspirin, a packet of used guitar strings, a picture of Isabelle Adjani, a dull razor blade, six inches of splicing tape and an old copy of the Seattle Times newspaper. You’re wearing a cheap pair of sun glasses. You really got a bad headache. You should do something about it.
>OPEN BAG AND TAKE ASPIRIN
You feel much better. Life is good.
>GO EAST
You can’t go that way. There’s a tree there.
>GO NORTH
Not a good idea. There’s a patch of Poison Ivy.
>READ THE NEWSPAPER
The headline says: “Sixth Michael Jackson Trial Gets Started”. The rest is too hard to read because of the cheap sunglasses you are wearing.
>TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES
You can’t.
>GO SOUTH
Okay.
WEST OF CHEMIST
A chain of godforsaken mountains lies brooding on the western skyline. Forget
thinking about climbing them. A road
leads south to a train station, and there is a well-trodden path to the east.
An old flea-bitten dog walks aimlessly down the main street. Gusts of horizontal rain prevent you from seeing much more through those very cheap
sunglasses.
>TAKE OFF SUNGLASSES
You can't.
>DROP SUNGLASSES
But you're still wearing the cheap sunglasses!
>TAKE OFF SUNGLASSES
You can't.
>GO EAST
You can't. The path is washed out by the heavy
rain.
>GO SOUTH
Okay.
TRAIN STATION
The ticket counters in the station are empty. Scraps of paper and empty
cans litter the floor of the building. The benches are rotted through in places
and the room is covered with a thick layer of dust. A rat scurries through
a hole in the wall. The rat is wearing a red vest and a pocket watch with
a gold chain. It’s obvious this place has been deserted for years.
There is a faded sign above the counters.
>READ SIGN
"Platform 1: West to Nowhere and the City of Despair. Platform 2 for
southbound trains terminating in the Land of Nonsense. Platform 3: Express to
Wherever."
>OPEN BAG
Okay.
>GET PICTURE OF ISABELLE ADJANI
You have the picture in your hand. It is tattered and torn but she smiles back at you through the rips and creases. You're in love.
>FIX PICTURE WITH SPLICING TAPE.
She looks better.
>GO NORTH
Not much there.
>GO EAST
Okay.
AT THE CHEMIST
You are standing in front of a small building that hasn’t seen a coat of paint in years. It may have been white at one time but it's now a dozen shades of brown and gray. What little paint left is cracked and peeling. The windows are so coated with dust you can't see through them. There is a sign over the front door but it’s too faded to read while wearing those cheap sunglasses.
>TAKE OFF SUNGLASSES
You can’t. Give up.
>ENTER BUILDING
You are in a dirty white
room. Tiny envelopes fill small cubby holes along a wall. Spider webs cling to
everything and dust fills the air giving the room a foggy atmosphere. Behind the counter
stands
the Chemist, an old, stooped white-haired one-eyed man with a white beard and long hair. He seems
familiar. He looks you up and down with his one voracious, bloodshot eye. He
doesn't seem surprised to see you.
>TALK TO THE CHEMIST
What do you want to say?
>WHERE IS IT?
Where is what?
>WHERE’S THE PAGE I’M LOOKING FOR?
The chemist smiles
knowingly and hands you a single tiny envelope. As soon as you touch it you
become overwhelmingly dizzy and the room begins to spin faster and faster about
you. Suddenly you find yourself climbing a metal construct with no visible end
as fog swirls around. Horrified, you think about turning back and descending,
but a trapdoor slams shut beneath. Your surroundings begin to pulsate with
colors, the likes of which you have never seen before. Probably those cheap
sunglasses.
The cackling laughter from below is soon drowned out by the furious thunder of
your own heartbeat amplified to deafening volume. Your headache is back.
>RUN
Where would you run to?
>RUN DOWN
You can’t. The way is blocked by the closed trapdoor.
>RUN UP
You can’t. The way is blocked by 300 cases of beer. Do you really think you can drink your way through that? Your drinking is what got you here in the first place.
>LOOK
There’s not much you can see between the flashing, pulsating colors, the 300 cases of beer, the sweat of fear dripping off your forehead into your eyes and those cheap sunglasses. It’s obvious you are lost. At your feet you notice some inscriptions scratched into the metalwork. Maybe you should read one of them. You know you want to.
>READ
The inscription says:
ERROR 404, PAGE NOT FOUND
You have failed in your mission. Try again.
With fond memories of ZORK.
Download ZORK I
Unzip. WIN XP users, run ZORK1.BAT
from a DOS box. Full screen is best.